Well done, Internet. You've finally mustered up enough strength to drag me away from my safe haven of Facebook and throw me into the pit of the preposterously named "Blogosphere". And now I must check out this "Blogspot" that I've heard so much about from hoodlums and tech-savvy pretentious fuckpod who love to natter on towards disinterested relatives about iPads and RAM and the like.
Petty little things like character limits (seriously Twitter, what the hell? 140 characters is such a pitiful and meaningless amount that you may as well ask users to send in squares of used toilet paper that your rectum has unwillingly twisted into a bemusing shape) have forced me into this place, and like a biologist preforming a firmware update on a cyborg, I'm having a little bit of trouble with the technical side of things.
Case in point, what inhuman spawn of Cthulhu and Zalgo invented the Devil's Tool known as HTML? I'm sure it's all very well for he who can afford computing courses or even those who just quit their jobs and spend every waking minute staring wide-eyed at a 18" inch flatscreen monitor, desperately cramming in as much coding experience as your lump of grey matter can take in order to convince yourself that pulling your trousers down in front of your boss and spanking yourself while running around the gardening department singing the Benny Hill theme song was a good idea. But for simpletons such as I and Commoner McPeasant, HTML makes about as much sense as a cardboard submarine. My current HTML skill level rests somewhere between "Illiterate" and "Testicle-Shrinkingly Retarded", and my trademark talent is pretty much just pressing Ctrl+F, searching for a bit that I don't like and deleting it.
HTML is surely just something that comes with practise. Time heals all wounds, after all. Albeit an ungodly and an atrociously laborious amount of time. Maybe one day I'll get around to customizing the shit out of this blog. A mere shell of it's formal self, with all padding and dignity stripped away to leave rainbow gradient tinted pictures of cats captioned with Comic Sans and camera flares. Until then, death to HTML I say.
(I was joking about the rainbow cats, obviously.)
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